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It also found sex is more frequent in couples when women make the first move. One recent Norwegian study found men initiate sex three times more often than women in a long-term, heterosexual relationship. Tracey says that partners should switch roles and switch things up during sex (stock image) Can we switch roles and I get to lie back and enjoy next time?’) (‘I love our sex but lately I feel like I’m the one making all the effort. Tactfully pointing out that the balance is uneven, will. If your partner rarely returns the favour by pleasuring you and it’s something you want them to do, speak up.īlaming won’t get you anywhere (‘Do you realise what a lazy so-and-so you are during sex? You never give a thought to giving me pleasure!’). If you feel like you do all the work during sex and your partner simply lies back and takes, resentment sets in. If you’re sexually experienced and a confident lover, you’re not going to lie back and think of England.īut while there is no right balance of give and take – each couple is different – it’s perception that matters. If you’re naturally shy and get embarrassed during sex, you’re unlikely to be jumping on top and enthusiastically assuming the reverse cowgirl position. In reality, our sex ‘personalities’ predispose us to preferring one or the other.
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In theory, you’d both take turns at giving and receiving pleasure. Your partner leaves you to do all the work We should all aim to have at least one solo sex session a week Physically, orgasms are good for you because they increase blood flow, improve circulation and heart health, reduce stress and promote feelings of well-being. Having regular orgasms reminds us how good sex feels, making us more likely to seek out sex with our partners. (It’s the first thing suggested when a woman can’t orgasm.) First up and most crucially, it’s how we learn what arouses us and what technique works to make us climax. There are so many reasons why everyone should masturbate regularly, I could list them endlessly. I personally think that statistic is high: I know lots of women who only masturbate on the odd occasion (more like once every two or three months) and an alarming number have never done it at all. Women masturbate an average of 53 times a year, which is about once a week. Statistics tell us that, globally, men tend to masturbate 140 times a year or 2.6 times a week. Once you’ve figured all this out, tell your partner. What part of sex do you enjoy best? Being stroked? Oral sex? Using sex toys? Dressing up and exciting your partner? How do you have most of your orgasms? What’s the most reliable way for you to orgasm? Watching or reading something sexy? Running a fantasy in your head? Seeing your partner undress or naked? If you don’t know what technique suits you, what pressure and speed, where it feels best and when you like it, your chances of having a lifetime of great sex are extremely low.
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Tracey suggests that people should think about what they want and what they enjoy when having sexĮver gone to the hairdresser and said, ‘Do whatever you want’ and walked out of there happy? The more you know about what you partner likes and doesn’t like, the more feedback you get and specific detail you’re given, the better the sex will be.īut you have to know what you want, in order to ask for it. Matched with a partner who expects us to mind read what arouses and satisfies them, all we can do is try them all out and hope like hell one of them works. Most of us have a limited repertoire of techniques we rely on during sex: things we think we do well. Routine sex is the other biggie: predictability is a lust killer. Stress and not enough sleep are the usual causes: too much of one, not enough of the other. Seeing it as something to tick off the ‘to do’ list, rather than a source of pleasure and connection. What I’m talking about here is different: it’s feeling weary at the prospect of ALL sex sessions. It's not something we talk about openly but ask anyone who has been in a healthy, long-term relationship, and they’ll tell you it’s all part of the real-life tapestry of two people trying to keep each other happy. Around a quarter are usually done to please our partners, not ourselves. In fact, some sex therapists say only half of all sex encounters in long-term relationships are mutually satisfying for both partners. I’m not talking about the occasional ‘Do we have to?’ – that’s normal. If sex has morphed from something you looked forward to, to something you now dread, you don’t need me to tell you something is awry. Tracey Cox says stress and not enough sleep are the usual causes of sex life trouble (stock image)